Hi Ladies! Welcome to my online diary. I am known in Youtube as a Beauty & Lifestyle Vlogger (you may check out my Youtube Channel), but before I got into youtube, I have already written numerous books on Wattpad and had posted several blogs on my old sites. I don’t want to lose my passion in writing that’s why I decided to start blogging again. This site is about my journey and I’d be more than happy to share with you. Xoxo, Lady Martin

Dare to Live, Not Just Exist

Friday, June 22, 2018

Have you ever felt like you're no longer living anymore? That you're just mere existing.

I have. A lot of times.

There are days that I'm genuinely happy and motivated. It feels like I can do everything. It feels like I'm at the top of the world because I'm just genuinely happy and contented with my life. There are days when it feels really okay, but not everyday is always rainbows and butterflies. No matter how hard we try to make ourselves to be at our best every single day, there are days when you'll just feel alone, stuck, unmotivated... lost.

Have you ever been so lost?

You're at the exact same place everyday, but it feels like you no longer know where you really are. You know where you want yourself to be in five years from now, but you can't find where you are right now. It feels like you know it all, you've done it all, but still have no idea why you're existing... Why you're here on earth. Why you're just here?

Depressing isn't it?

Yes it is.

As depressing as it may sound, but it's just life.

We can never control all the things that could happen in our lives and that fact alone is enough to give us anxiety... if you don't have the right mindset. Last night, I was feeling really low. I don't know why. I don't actually have a major issue or problem that could cause me sadness, but I just feel down. I've been contemplating about my life, my purpose, my career... the person that I'm becoming. Do I really like the person that I've become?

Self awareness is everything.

I know myself better than anyone else. I believe on the things that I could do. I believe that I'm able to do everything when I set my mind into it. I believe in my goals and dreams. I believe in myself.

I believe... But do I live?

When we want something so bad, we tend to focus on that thing alone. Striving really hard to get that goal, compromising the things that could actually be more valuable than what you're grinding for. I've been focusing a lot with my career. My career is everything to me (next to my family, of course). I manage our family business and at the same time I'm doing side hustles like; growing my Youtube Channel and working on the new business that I'm trying to build. To me, my goal is everything, but sometimes I feel like I'm compromising so much of my present for my future.

I know that's how it is supposed to be and that's the price that you have to pay if you want success, but is it really worth it? Not living today so you can enjoy tomorrow... will it be worth it? But tomorrow is never promised, how would we know?

I don't know. Who the hell knows?

Only time will tell.

But all I know right now is that "I want change".

Career. Career. Career.

Yes, it's still my number one priority right now, but unlike before... I'll travel more. I'll explore more. I will lessen saying "NO" immediately to my friends every time they will ask me to hangout. I'll try my best to just relax for a while and remind myself that it's okay to just breath. I will no longer turn down a great guy just because I feel like he's a hindrance in my career. I will no longer be "just safe".

I will no longer just exist anymore, I'll start to live.