Hi Ladies! Welcome to my online diary. I am known in Youtube as a Beauty & Lifestyle Vlogger (you may check out my Youtube Channel), but before I got into youtube, I have already written numerous books on Wattpad and had posted several blogs on my old sites. I don’t want to lose my passion in writing that’s why I decided to start blogging again. This site is about my journey and I’d be more than happy to share with you. Xoxo, Lady Martin

Game? Game. Let's Play.

Monday, July 15, 2019

“Why are you hurting?”

“I don’t know”

“Do you love him?”


“Then why is he affecting you?”

“Maybe because of my pride? Ego? Maybe I just can’t accept the fact that he’s already happy with someone else and I’m not”

“You told me you’re not serious about him”

“I meant it”

“You’ll get over it”

“I know I will… I always do”

You know what sucks about dating? It’s the fact that the one who catches feelings is the loser. How great it is to go back in high school when dating is actually simple. No mind games… no mixed signals… just pure crush and puppy love. We may not consider putting the names of our high school sweet hearts in our dating list, but we have to be honest on this… it was then when the intention was clear and pure. I’m not a dating expert. I rarely go on dates. But if there is one thing that I’ve learned from my 23 years of existence is that “FEELINGS WILL FUCK YOU UP… in any human way possible”.

We live in the generation where everyone just wants to hook up. Nobody wants to take responsibility with their actions. We live in the era where not everybody is in a relationship, but everybody gets their heart broken. Even if we admit it or not, we do experience a heart break every now and then. Well maybe some scars are bigger than others… some take longer to heal and some are just heart breaks that are really subtle… usually we just deny it, but it exist.

Everyone is just playing games. 

Some guys will deny it, but that’s where they are good at. They are so thrilled with playing mind games. They give mixed signals then blame the girl for actually catching feelings. Asshole. I used to not understand these kind of things until I’ve encountered these kind of guys. I met a lot of them, got my heart broken by one… along the way I learned how the game works. I learned the ins and outs. The rules and guidelines. The tricks and the cheat codes. I learned how to read between the lines. To read through their words and actions. I made sure that I know how to play the game better than anyone. I made sure that no one could ever hurt me, again.

“Why are you hurting?”

Exactly. If what I’ve said is true… if I’ve already mastered the art of guy’s manipulation, why is my heart hurting right now?

“Maybe because of my pride? Ego?”

Or maybe because of the fact that I’m losing hope with people. Maybe because I got sick of being in an exact same scenario every single time. Yes… I don’t always get my heart broken big time, but the thought of watching people just come and go with my life is starting to get into me. I always believe that not everyone who wants to come to my life should enter my life. I always put my guard up. I don’t show emotions. I rarely care. I don’t even make an effort to make them stay. I act tough. I look alright, but deep down inside I’m scared. My heart was totally wrecked by this kind of guy and I promised myself to never let that happen again. It took time to rebuild myself from what happened and I don’t want to experience that kind of pain again. That’s why I’ve learned all the things I know now… because I want hurt no more.

But then… despite all the things that I know, I realized that playing the game won’t save me from a heartache. Being good at their games won’t actually make me win the game. I’m stuck in an unending game that I no longer want to play. 

When will it stop?

On the day you give up on love.

Lady Martin (January 28, 2019)